Happy Summer Solstice! It has been two beautiful days here in the big Apple City and it reminded me of the high school days when I still had school in late June and first week of July. Today is not a sewing post and maybe a little bit of sewing sharing, not much! You might want to skip or scroll down photos quick and enjoy the beautiful solstice day, but you always know that I love you stay and join me with an afternoon tea and shortbread cookies.
the cornstalks were just by my knee and it is always, corns will be knee high by fourth of July.
It was humid days while our last few days in Iowa. I think it was record of 98 degrees, but I could be wrong after a year's memory. We stayed inside at Carol's house a lot. Unload the car and reload the car again ( can you picture that? with lots last minutes of clean up the house and stuffed the car as many as we can take). With Ron's help that I was able to map out the roads, interstates that to be on. Things to watch out for and I-80 East was terrible in Illinois, trucks and semis...
I was pretty scared!
We stopped by the local bakery more than we should while we were around. I can't tell you how hearty these handmade donuts were and meant to us. It was always perfect birthday treats for kids while S was in daycare and perfect treats for Carol and I having coffee time together.
Summer fields in Iowa are always green and the sky is always always blue and endless...
Sunset time over the field is gorgeous and outstanding! It is breathtaking moments. I've so much appreciation and love for it! It is always my favorite kinda drive. I could pull the car off the road and just... ENJOY
Cars were crowed
We cut through part of Indiana and enter Michigan for a fun detour trip.
Cross Bronx Express.... oh my god!
Oh, I said, I never drive again!
There is a Korean grocery store behind the Post Office off Springfield Blvd. that I discovered just few weeks after arrival. The gentleman who runs a small Korean style pastry always says, "an yo ha say yo" ( how are you? in Korean), I always reply, "Hello". Every week, I would walk there to get milk and look around what the store carries. It is fascinating to see items labeled in both Korean and English!
On my way out from the K store, I always stopped by another grocery store runs by Italians. There I found the most delicious sausages for cheese and crackers and that's where I get lunch meat, too. I love how they slice meats and cheese for what I ask for. By the time, I walk out the I store, my hands are likely full and heavy! But I always need another stop, the coffee shop!
It took me sometimes to get used to order coffee here, at least the coffee that I go to. The lady who probably remembered my face after a year of ordering plain coffee.
Every time our conversation always start...
the Lady: How do you like your coffee?
Me: Plain would be great, Thank you!
the Lady: Milk and sugar?
Me: Oh, no, just plain.
the Lady: NOTHING?? Black?
Me: Oh, Yes!
and now, I would tell her if I needed milk or sugar. Likely, is black now!
By the time, I get a cup of coffee, and groceries. I walk a mile back. It is rather quick now since it has became part of the life for me. I've always like to count the streets and always stop every corner of the streets before I cross. Can I secretly tell you it is dangerous walking street to street? Cars sometimes run over stop signs and after a year, I still have a heart attack for that.
My inner voice said Gosh, they need count to 10 before they go on stop sign...
The year went rather quick and it is surely turning corners of our everyday life. It hasn't been easy and have been hard in someway. Mostly the lifestyle, the struggles of us living without a great community supports and friends. People who we used and able to turn into for good and bad times are living in far distance from us now.
The people that I regularly have conversations with since moved is the gentleman in the Korean pastry shop, hello and Thank you! Then the lady in the coffee shop, plain and Thank you! I also love taking time at the check out counter and listen to different languages that I am exposed to. It has been lonesome sometimes. I bet our friends knew that so they've sent cards in the mail, texts, emails, sometimes calls then I shed more tears ...
The depression hit on me rather quick after my sister's visit last summer. It was hard time to go through and I had shed more tears for little things; questioned and wondered if this is the right move for us, but that isn't a questionable question, life forward and go on...
I was able to go see my mama last Fall and regain the meaning of the motherhood and learn to be a brave and adventurous person again. I worked hard on depression, but it is not that easy! Along that I knew something is wrong with my health. I wasn't careful enough and was letting myself draining myself down. When I was in the doctor's office this early spring and done a health check up. Doctor had serious conversation and letting me know the worse case is cancer cells, but let's wait for the numbers to come back.
Before getting the report back, my life was in the deeper and darker place. There were many of what if is cancer? How scary that sounded to me? I shed my tears more often, but the reality was that I really needed to learn and try to live better and trying things that I have dreamt about and step away my fear and uncertain, but it was not easy when I was in the frustrated situation and deeply felt, I can't!
Then, I started a schedule for myself and getting things cross off the list that I made the beginning of the week. It started small goal then following up bigger goals. Sometimes, when I am unwell, the daily goal is getting the floor map then I could just lay down for the rest of the day. Ok, that sounded so silly, but I did for a few times! When the day that I could and had more strengths, the daily goal is getting clothes wash then I could just lay down for the rest of the day. That sounds ridiculous, but I have done that a few times. It really gradually improved and I was able to do both in a day and more!
The day before doctor visit, I had sleepless nights! I got on the bus that morning and waited at the doctor's office and was nervous! That was probably some longest one hour waiting time. As the doctor sat down, face to face with me, the first sentence doctor said, it is not cancer cells! I couldn't say anything... follow up with instructions and the treatment for me for the next six months.
On the way home on the bus, I was pretty sick and the bus was crowed! I had got the shots that same day as the treatment takes months in between. It was probably closed to two o'clock that afternoon when I got back. I had fell asleep for the first time, peace. The following days, weeks, and months, I started exclusive diet, food that I can consume and not to have. Oh, I wasn't all that perfect to follow. I still have a few cookies in between and visits to the coffee shop from time to time. I've started gained some health strength back. Likely I feel that good energy is coming back and you know what?
That depression moment is going away, slowly.
I have finally feel it is good time to be open and honest to share this year's journey. It is not all so great, but it made me grew and be stronger! It might not and will never be perfect, but I am giving it a try! Trying to be who I am, cheerful and thoughtful and trying bring positives into life, not just mine, but people around me.
For sure, One step a day!
The dramatic life shifting is rough if I am not able to lift myself up in a positive attitude it is impossible to improve! I knew I will continue to shed tears as I go on, but now I see that as a positive to let go the frustrations and letting the negatives out when is need.
Last couple months I have been working hard on re-center the positive on me and how can I take good care of myself, so from there I can take care everyone else and provide comfort to love ones! It is not easy to being more honest and being available in most ways, but I am trying! I have feel good that I am able to reflect the new meaning of life and more to myself these days!
and now... I am excited!
Excited that my papa is coming to visit me so soon! We'll be journey together this later summer. I plan on having good health, so I can take good care of him while he is here! I have started a list of where to take him, food to try, and must to do's list with him!
In this life, I like to be a better pilot; adventurous and positives!
**photo credit: S.J.H.